I've only started reading adoption blogs this past year. I wanted to see what was out there. And there was much, much more than I expected. I'm not a computer junkie - someone who always has to be plugged in, checked in, "liked." Searching out adoption blogs was one of first times I surfed the blogophere, in the true concept of surfing - I started searching, found some sites, read some more, caught on to some that I really like, they led me to ones that I actively follow and poooom - I caught the wave to where the blogophere led me to a place where I truly feel community and shared experience, nationally, internationally, in all aspects of the triad. And I know there are tons more that I haven't yet discovered.
Although I mostly follow adoptee-in-reunion blogs, I was delighted when I was paired with a birthmom for the Adoption Bloggers Interview project for Open Adoption Bloggers. Sure, I have Kate, and I really do feel I can ask her almost anything, but what feels amazing about this is that it is a birthmother who has just relinquished her child only two years ago.
The reason we started the book is that we wanted to tell a reunion story from the beginning (the initial reunion) to the end (the blended family / integrated adoptee), since all that we could find out in the world were stories where the reunion was where the story ended.
Kate's side of the story (which I still haven't yet read) is about the experience of the birthmom throughout the relinquishment and reunion. Although I haven't read Kate's side, I have a good idea of what the experience was like for her.
What fascinates me is that this birth mom I'm partnered with is in an open adoption, so her experience of being a birth mom is going to be live on the blogosphere for the world to witness in real time. Most of the birthmom blogs I've read have been too bitter for me to take in. It's like they haven't made peace with it all. And that's cool - they can be angry and bitter, and I'm sure there are others in the same place who can relate and feel peace from reading through their angst. But, I've been through the angry / confused / hurt stage and I get it, but what's interesting for me to blog about, and read about, is the peace that comes after the storm and navigating the strange world of true reunion.
(I say "true reunion" because to me it's the difference between a wedding and a marriage. The initial reunion is the wedding with all the hoopla, and the marriage - the thing that takes commitment, building trust, and dedication, through good times and bad - is long-term reunion...and that doesn't have a name yet).
Here, in this other birth mother's blog she seems at peace with relinquishment from the beginning, and what I'm wondering is whether it will stay peaceful or whether it will have some drastic swells and crashes as time goes on. Mine is not a sadistic voyeurism - I don't want her to crash at all. In fact, I think she's fabulous - I want her to continue to be this bright beautiful beacon for what open adoption can be. I just don't know if it will. And, I guess that's what makes her blog exciting - I will be wondering what happens next.
If you want to check out what I'm talking about, her blog is The Great Wide Open.
Hmm, I wonder if that makes Kate and my blog boring? You know that we end up in a family-type relationship together from the beginning. Then again, I went to see Argo this weekend and was so impressed that it could have so much suspense even though everyone knows the ending. So, let's hope we're more Argo.