Precious Things - Part 2

Email response to Kate's email

Eh, I tried to write about it last night and didn't get very far. What it made me think about was really more my stuff and not taking good care of things and feeling undeserving. The image that came to mind was going to mexico on the Tortoise and I found this beautiful, delicate shell and I explained to the local guy that I couldn't take it home, that I would certainly break it. Just before I left, it brought it to me as a gift, very carefully wrapped and contained. And I was moved, and grateful. Then brought it home and it just stayed like that - wrapped up and tucked away because it was too delicate. I thought that would be nice to write about - but what it doesn't really have anything to do with us/adoption/etc.

The cape is a quandry. I've looked for it as I've been in the attic going through other things and I haven't found it. I'm worried that it may have been gotten rid of during the remodel. I'm hoping that it was just displaced, but I'm worried. That said, I would be okay with you writing about it. I know it would be a huge loss if I did actually lose it.

I think a hard thing about the blog writing is that I usually don't know what I want to write about until I'm writing it. Even if we have a topic ahead of time, I'll often go off on a different tagent. I agree that having certain topics that we line up to pull from would be helpful, I just haven't been successful with it. Also, I think something inherent in our project, is that we're dealing with totally different things that both have the same starting point. So, we won't be dealing with the same things, exactly. So maybe it's just picking the starting point?

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to view my birthmother's blog on the same topic, go to mothertone

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Thoughts? Reflections? Opinions?

Please comment!

Precious Things - Part1

In response to Kate's email

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Hi Kate,

Hope you landed in NYC safe and sound. Quinn just got the bear's tooth! Thank steve.

I have been meaning to respond to your request about the pens. I totally understand. I didn't realize they were the expensive kind, or I wouldn't have exposed them to the kids. But, they've been out on the kitchen table and it's now become a beautiful part of our routine. Quinn, Reed and I will sit down together in the morning to draw. It helps me to draw with them, makes me less self-conscious about drawing and we work through things together. It's put in my in a quandary - I want to respect your wishes, and at the same time I've made a very specific house rule that we share all things, and that as long as something is treated with respect, it's not off-limits (the only thing I can think of that is off-limits, is the Guild (guitar that Kate and Steve had given me as a Christmas gift when I was working at their music store), and I've had to put that away until they're able to treat it with respect). But, it made me wonder, am I too loose with things? Obviously, things are a mess at the house, things get broken, but on the other side of the coin, the boys are not hesitant to try things, nothing is off-limits (they were cooking at the stove from as soon as they could stand and follow the rules), and they get exposed to everything.

At first I thought, I'll just take my pens and put them away in a pencil bag and put it in my pannier to have with me to sketch on the bus and when I'm out. Because, when I'm home, I'm doing things with the boys and couldn't say, "you can't use these pens, but I can - you can use your pens." If they treat them with respect, we share. But, they are little and mistakes will be made.

My parents were very anti-materialistic. They focused on spending their money on experiences (fancy dinners, travel) rather than "things" and so, in a way, they taught me not to respect things. Not to disrespect them, but just not to put great importance on them. And I guess I've been teaching my kids the same thing.

But, then it made me realize that maybe I am too dismissive. I would like to do a better job of teaching them to take good care of things that are important. An extra challenge, since I don't know how to teach them something I do not know.

I was thinking we could do our blog on something around that, "Precious things" and have it be sprung from the request about the pens. I think it's perfect for the blog because it makes me think about the values my parents raised me on vs. what would have my values been had I been raised with you. It wouldn't be negative. I think it's actually really really sweet that you wanted me to have the pens - just for me - and that they would be precious. But I'm not used to - or good at - having precious things.

I love you. Hope you're having a great time!

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to view my birthmother's blog on the same topic, go to mothertone

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Thoughts? Reflections? Opinions?

Please comment!