Monday, May 23, 2011

Mother's Day, Part 2

So, what do you do about mother's day?

For me, it's always been complicated. It's stressful. I struggle between the right thing to do and what feels right. And realize neither are right.

So what feels right? For my mother - my adoptive mother (and anyone in reunion will know that when I say "my mother" knows that I'm talking about my adoptive mother. it still astounds me that someone who is on the outside of the experience will ask, "which mother?" like there's a choice. There is only one to me) I do the typical things - send flowers, call her on the day, or, if we happen to be together on that day, go to brunch.

For my birthmom - I'm still stumped.

I want to honor her. I want to honor the time she had me in her belly, the years she thought of me and the love she does have for me, as well as the relationship we have now. But she's still not my mother. She's my birthmother. So?

What do you do to celebrate your birthmother? The beauty about mother's day is that doing something for your mother - any simple thing - brings such great delight (if they're a decent mom that is. And from my perspective now being a mom, it doesn't take much of what my kids do for me to make it feel like the most amazing special thing in the world). But, the birthmom. Well. There's baggage there, isn't there. And I don't want my mom to know, to think that she thinks I'm honoring my birthmom as my mom. So.

So usually I do nothing. Or little. A few times - times we lived together in the same town - I would do the right thing. Bring a hanging basket of flowers or bulbs. Make a breakfast and include my husband's mom and her. But it always feels a little false, a little forced, and a whole lot awkward.

I would love to hear from other adoptees in reunion to hear how they celebrated mother's day and what feels right for them.

Thanks for sharing.


to view my birthmother's blog on the same topic, go to mothertone


Thoughts? Reflections? Opinions?

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