Kate and I have an article coming out in Adoption Constellation. It's a magazine that addresses all the people involved in, and affected by, adoption. The theme of the issue is on Secrets and Lies.
It's interesting in a way. There's so much secrecy at the heart of closed adoption so now I realize that it's ironic that Kate and I have kept our writing secret from each other. Or, not so much a secret as choosing not to share just yet. Until now.
The intent of the secrecy is so that each side of the story - the adoptee's experience vs. the birthmother's experience in reunion - is kept unaffected by the other's side. We're nearly done, so we're close to sharing the whole book with each other. Almost.
In the process of doing this article, where we were pulling excerpts from the book, was the first time we've shared our writing with each other. We've been writing for nearly ten years and, aside from a couple of trusted readers, we have been going solely on faith that it would work and that we wouldn't crush each other in the process of revealing what we really thought.
From my side, the first reading of Kate's side came as a huge relief. Not that I didn't think her writing would be good. It was more that I didn't know if it would work - us both telling two sides of one story. And, okay, sure, I was worried that it wouldn't be good, and was relieved that I loved her writing and was enlightened reading her side, even for this tiny part.
For me, one of my biggest fears is sharing the story at all. Part of being the good adoptee is blending into your surroundings. Standing out, calling attention to myself, to our story, is not my nature. Or maybe not my nurture, I'm not sure which.
I am plagued by self-doubt throughout this process. The inner voice can be harsh and judgmental, saying that writing a story focused on me, on my experience, is selfish and egotistical and vain.
But, then I realize that it's not about calling attention to myself, but to the story. I am transparent, not blending into my surroundings, but being able to show others what I see, and hoping that through me, they can see.
The article will be out any day. I hope it is clear and that our story serves a purpose. We've been doing this so long, sometimes I feel the purpose gets muddied. But, the intent is that by sharing our story, others will be able to see their way through difficult paths towards self-discovery, whatever that path is for them. That something about what we've been through, will resonate for them. And, in order to do that, we have to reveal our secrets.
to view my birthmother's blog on the same topic, go to: http://mothertone.wordpress.com/